It’s that time again. Is there a better way to start the week that with a little flash?
Say it with Flowers
Kevin had been in the pub with his mates since finishing work. “Another one, lads? My shout.”
He staggered up to the bar, winked at the busty barmaid and ordered more beers. She flashed him her stunning smile in return. His mobile phone rang. He looked at the screen before answering. “Hey, Sally.”
“Where the fuck are you, arsehole? It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“We were going for dinner. At Chico’s. The posh Italian place.”
“Fuck, yeah. Sorry. I forgot. I’ll be right round.”
“No point. We’ve missed the booking. No blow-jobs for you for at least a month.”
“I’ll come round anyway. Pick up a pizza and a DVD.”
“All right. But get a good film, nothing violent. And no bloody pineapple on the pizza.”
“And I’ll be expecting you to go down on me for at least an hour by way of apology.”
Kevin left the pub to calls of ‘pussy-whipped’. He stopped at the video store and rented a chick flick. At the pizza take-away, he ordered a chicken and mushroom special. His route to Sally’s took him past St. Gregory’s. There must have been a wedding earlier in the day, because a discarded flower arrangement lay in the church-yard. He checked no one was watching and then scooped up the bouquet. His beer-soaked brain told him Sally would be chuffed.
He was wrong.
After he’d given her the flowers, she went all cold-shouldered on him. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you know?”
Kevin shook his head. “Aren’t they nice flowers?”
“Oh, lovely. But you stole them?”
“How do you know?”
“Read the card.”
Kevin did. It read—Bye Mum. We’ll miss you.
Sally frowned. “How low can you get? Better make it two hours, don’t you think?”