Time to buy a Cardie

Yep, I'm officially past it. Officially too old to be Hip and Happening any more. The fact that I've just used the expression "Hip and Happening" is an indication in itself that I'm neither Hip nor Happening.

I know I do a lot of moaning about getting old, even though I've yet to hit 35 and I've got 30 years ahead of me before I can contemplate retirement, but this time I have good reason. This weekend, Mrs Nobbs and I went to look at caravans. Yep, caravans - those things Jeremy Clarkson likes to blow up. The scourge of narrow country roads the world over. And I actually found some of them to be... Quite Nice.

I actually said that to the salesman - "This one's quite nice. Do you think my Peugeot 407 saloon, 1.8 litre petrol engine would be able to tow it? It would. Oh, marvelous."

So, to go with the caravan, I now need to buy a cardigan, preferably a brown one, some reading glasses and some tartan zip-up booty slippers. Oh, and a pipe. And a rocking chair. i already know all the words to "My Way" so I'm covered on that front.

The X-factor live shows started this weekend, and another sign I'm getting old is that the skinny young blonde with the croaky voice, Diana, who everyone was raving about and saying how "contemporary" she was, I found to be quite annoying actually. I believe I said to Mrs Nobbs, "She should take some Strepsils for her throat. And why doesn't she keep her hands still?"

By the same token - I was as taken by Spanish stunner Ruth as Mr Cowell was. Her dress was very... Uplifting.

Last night, I had the urge to listen to Elvis on my way to work this morning so burned myself a CD so I could do just that. Now you don't do that if you're young and 'with it'. I should be listening to Fall Out Boy instead- whoever they are.

And if it's not Elvis or Oasis, then it's Radio 4 - which says I'm all grown-up and serious and want to know about World Affairs and stuff.

So, if you're in England or France over the next couple of years and a family in a gray 407 are towing a caravan in front of you with either Elvis or "If you're Happy and you Know it, Clap your hands" coming from the stereo system - It'll be me.

I apologise in advance.